FEAR and BRAVERY

ENES AYDIN

 In this woman’s eyes, I could see both the bravery and trama. Looking at her felt strange. I had never seen anyone of her nature before. “She later came and settled here,” he continued. “This tired old  city?!” I exclaimed, trying to keep my curiosity in check but failing miserably at it. 

Tapping furiously on the board, Mr. Kaan was expecting a response to his dull question. “Well young lady, I’m waiting…” The tapping increased along with my heart rate. What did I care about Armenian history? They don’t even live in Turkey. 

I had to respond, or else this kettle called Mr. Kaan would erupt on me. “I-I don’t know…” I replied embarrassingly. His face went from unimpressed to angry “That’s it, Ms. Fatima you have one more shot at this, Tonight I am assigning you homework for you to finish. Bring it back to me tomorrow and I will forget about what happened today…”

I retreated back to my seat as Mr. Kaan continued his boring lecture about some historical topic I couldn’t care to understand. Why did everything have to be so bland around here? 

School ended, and I was so late for the bus that it left without me. “But, not to worry, I am a big girl, and thus I will walk home,” I thought. The fierce heat of Mardin’s weather was cooking me under my uniform. 

It’s nothing but fields, sand, and broken-down dreamers out here. Nothing really ever happens around these parts; people force you to go to school, make you drop out when you’re like 13, then you work your life away in a tiny little kitchen. 

It was the same for my great-grandma, Grandma, Mum, and older sister. Heck, even my older brother was sick of this system. I think the heat must have gotten to me because the only thing I was doing was thinking, not walking. I tried my best not to think but couldn’t seem to conceal the disappointment of my life. Reaching my hand out, I signaled to the drivers on the road waiting for a good Samaritan to take me home. 

Finally, this little red Tofas, a Mardin classic, drove right up to me. “My girl, what are you doing on the side of the road in a literal desert?” He exclaimed, “Tell me about it, sir, I am trying to get back home.” I replied, sweat dripping down my face. I could hardly speak. 

“Well stop waiting in the sun, come in, come in!” Still trying to pull myself together, I launched my body into the tiny sedan. “Thank you so much sir! I don’t know what I would have done without you,” I thanked the man. 

“What kind of stupid idea was going through your head when you decided to walk outside?! It’s plus 40 degrees, not even Maraş Ice-cream would survive in this hell of a weather!” The man chastised me. 

I pulled my hands together and clutched my fists in embarrassment. What was I really thinking when I went outside? In this heat, much like this city, I would have turned into a fossil. 

As we treaded home, I noticed a flag on his dashboard; it was an Armenian flag with an old lady and two little children next to her. Huh, guess that history lesson seemed to pay off after all! I must have been so concentrated on the picture because the next thing that I heard was, “You are probably wondering what this picture is about, huh?” 

I looked over to him, startled out of my train of thought. I nodded hard, eagerly waiting for an answer. “This is my grandma. She was a refugee from Armenia, one of the few people who survived the genocide by the Turks, more than a million people” He took his hands off the wheel and then dusted them to signify that the people were killed “Just like that, they were slaughtered. My grandma’s parents had to leave her behind as a baby. They probably don’t even know that she would grow up to be a strong, determined woman. She is the bravest person I know,” He explained.

 In this woman’s eyes, I could see both the bravery and trauma. Looking at her felt strange. I had never seen anyone of her nature before. “She later came and settled here,” he continued. “This tired old city?!” I exclaimed, trying to keep my curiosity in check but failing miserably at it. 

the man chuckled, “Yes, this tired old city!” Before I could ask my next question, we had already arrived home. “Well, here is your stop!” I jumped right out of the car, thanked the driver, ran up to my room and flipped open my school books. 

“If this old lady’s story is like that…” I wondered to myself, “How many other people are out there just like her…?”