Zehra Azize<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
\u00dcniversiteyi kazand\u0131\u011f\u0131m seneydi.\u00a0 <\/span>\u0130stanbul o yazdan kalma sonbahar sarho\u015fu g\u00fcnlerini ya\u015f\u0131yordu. Evde,\u00a0 <\/span>annemlerde, y\u00fcre\u011fimde tatl\u0131 bir tela\u015f vard\u0131,\u00a0 <\/span>biraz da h\u00fcz\u00fcn. Onlar belli etmese de \u00f6zellikle babam\u0131n,\u00a0 <\/span>g\u00f6zbebeklerine hasretin bu\u011fusu \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc.\u00a0 <\/span>Babam ne \u00e7ok severdi beni,\u00a0 <\/span>\u00f6ylesine severdi ki aradan ge\u00e7en \u00e7eyrek asra\u00a0 <\/span>ra\u011fmen hala onun sevgisi bitmek bilmeyen bir kaynak\u00a0 <\/span>y\u00fcre\u011fimde. Bense t\u00fcm korkular\u0131 rafa kald\u0131rm\u0131\u015f,\u00a0 <\/span>sadece biraz ailemden,\u00a0 <\/span>\u00e7ok\u00e7a \u0130stanbul\u2019un b\u00fcy\u00fcs\u00fcnden uzakla\u015fman\u0131n h\u00fczn\u00fc,\u00a0 <\/span>ama gen\u00e7lik i\u015fte, kendime yeni bir hayat kurman\u0131n,\u00a0 <\/span>keskin s\u0131n\u0131rlara ra\u011fmen \u00f6zg\u00fcr olacak olman\u0131n sarho\u015flu\u011fuyla g\u00fcn say\u0131yordum.\u00a0 <\/span>Bende derin izler b\u0131rakacak o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ama ma\u011frur Anadolu \u015fehrinin kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 aralamak i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n Mutad oldu\u011fum \u00fczere bir \u00dcsk\u00fcdar ziyareti yapt\u0131m.\u00a0 <\/span>G\u00fcne\u015f parlakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 beyaz bulut k\u00fcmeleri arkas\u0131na saklar ve deniz mavi \u00e7alkant\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 beyaz k\u00f6p\u00fcklerle k\u0131y\u0131ya vururken,\u00a0 <\/span>bir Emin\u00f6n\u00fc vapuru\u00a0 <\/span>sessizli\u011fi y\u0131rtan d\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc hoyrat\u00e7a \u00e7alar ve tela\u015fl\u0131 insanlar saniyeleri a\u015f\u0131p,\u00a0 <\/span>son anda iskeleden gemiye atlarken,\u00a0 <\/span>bir mart\u0131 geni\u015f kanatlar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f r\u00fcya gibi s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcrken,\u00a0 <\/span>bir \u00e7ingene rengarenk \u00e7i\u00e7eklerin i\u00e7inde renksiz ve hoyrat hayat\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015farken,\u00a0 <\/span>o me\u015fhur \u00e7e\u015fmenin \u00f6n\u00fcnde beklerken bir a\u015f\u0131k sevdas\u0131n\u0131,\u00a0 <\/span>tam da o anda Mihrimah Sultan\u2019\u0131n minareleri \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131ya dururken,\u00a0 <\/span>soka\u011fa ta\u015f\u0131nm\u0131\u015f babadan kalma oca\u011f\u0131nda leblebi kavururken bir esnaf ve bu kokunun daveti yay\u0131lm\u0131\u015fken buram buram etrafa,\u00a0 <\/span>i\u015fte ola\u011fan bir \u00dcsk\u00fcdar g\u00fcn\u00fcnden,\u00a0 <\/span>ola\u011fan bir \u00dcsk\u00fcdar ziyareti,\u00a0 <\/span>beni \u00f6nce o yoku\u015fa y\u00f6nlendirdi.<\/p>\n \u00dcsk\u00fcdar\u2019da me\u015fhurdur,\u00a0 <\/span>dar sokaklar \u00e7\u0131kar kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131za ve bu sokaklar sizi ke\u015ffe \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131r. Bu ke\u015ffi zaferle noktalayabilmek i\u00e7in \u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fcze \u00e7\u0131kan dik ve ritimsiz merdivenleri a\u015fman\u0131z gerekir.\u00a0 <\/span>\u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yle merdivenli bir yoku\u015f ki,\u00a0 <\/span>hayat\u0131ma girdi\u011finden beri b\u00fct\u00fcnle\u015fmi\u015ftir\u00a0 <\/span>ruhumla, h\u00fczn\u00fcmle sevincimle.\u00a0 <\/span>\u0130lk kez onun duvarlar\u0131nda okudum.\u00a0 <\/span>Ustal\u0131kla \u00e7izilmi\u015f,\u00a0 <\/span>yer yer boyas\u0131 silinmi\u015f b\u00fcy\u00fck,\u00a0 <\/span>mavi,\u00a0 <\/span>umut dolu bir yunus bal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n\u00a0 <\/span>alt\u0131nda, \u00a0 <\/span>e\u011fri b\u00fc\u011fr\u00fc harflerle\u00a0 <\/span>\u201dD\u00fcnyay\u0131 g\u00fczellik kurtaracak, bir insan\u0131 sevmekle ba\u015flayacak her\u015fey\u201d sat\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131.\u00a0 <\/span>Bu sat\u0131rlarla sonralar\u0131 bir Livaneli \u015fark\u0131s\u0131nda bulu\u015funca ne \u00e7ok heyecanlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.\u00a0 <\/span>Yoku\u015fu t\u0131rman\u0131rken ruhum dervi\u015f y\u00f6n\u00fcne teslim olmu\u015f,\u00a0 <\/span>az sonra gidece\u011fi mekan\u0131n,\u00a0 <\/span>makam\u0131n mistik havas\u0131na haz\u0131rlanmaktayd\u0131.\u00a0 <\/span>Ad\u0131mlar\u0131m beni m\u00fcdavimi oldu\u011fum t\u00fcrbeye ula\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131.\u00a0 <\/span>\u0130nsanlar ak\u0131n ak\u0131n o me\u015fhur zat\u0131 ziyaret eder, umutlar\u0131n\u0131, korkular\u0131n\u0131\u00a0 <\/span>O\u2019na emanet etmenin rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p giderlerdi.\u00a0 <\/span>Fakat o mekanda kalan,\u00a0 <\/span>o mekan\u0131n m\u00fcdavimleri vard\u0131r hep.\u00a0 <\/span>Kediler mesela, mekan\u0131n sahibi olma rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla bir g\u00f6lgede uyuklayan veya tembel ad\u0131mlarla yeni ziyaret\u00e7ilere s\u0131rna\u015fan kediler..<\/p>\n Sonra mezar ta\u015flar\u0131; \u00e7ok eski, kavuklu, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, b\u00fcy\u00fck,\u00a0 <\/span>zaman\u0131n\u0131n stat\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcze ta\u015f\u0131yan,\u00a0 <\/span>yer yer k\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f mezar ta\u015flar\u0131..\u00a0 <\/span>E\u011fer onlar\u0131 g\u00f6rme \u015fans\u0131n\u0131z olursa dinleyin, dinlemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131n. Size anlatacak hikayeleri vard\u0131r onlar\u0131n.\u00a0 <\/span>Kiminin h\u00fczn\u00fc, kiminin zaferleri,\u00a0 <\/span>kiminin mutlu hikayesi Asl\u0131nda zaman ge\u00e7se de de\u011fi\u015fmeyen hikaye ba\u015fl\u0131klar\u0131d\u0131r hepimizin \u00f6yle ya da b\u00f6yle sahip oldu\u011fu..<\/p>\n Benim hikayem, orada bulunan ba\u015fka bir sakinle ilgili.\u00a0 <\/span>Bir tesbih sat\u0131c\u0131s\u0131yla.. Muntazam d\u00f6\u015fenmi\u015f ve bir ayak \u00fczerine oturtulmu\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir tezgah.\u00a0 <\/span>\u00dczerinde Erzurum i\u015fi kehribar,\u00a0 <\/span>akik tesbihler.\u00a0 <\/span>Tezgah\u0131n sahibi gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnen fakat t\u00fcrbenin manevi bek\u00e7ili\u011fine namzed,\u00a0 <\/span>her daim temiz, pak k\u0131yafetleri; k\u0131sa yer yer k\u0131rla\u015fm\u0131\u015f sakal\u0131,\u00a0 <\/span>muhatab\u0131na bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 zaman \u00e7akmak \u00e7akmak yanan ye\u015fil g\u00f6zleri ve bu g\u00f6zleri g\u00f6lgeleyen\u00a0 <\/span>kal\u0131n ka\u015flar\u0131, uzun kirpikleri, davudi sesiyle,\u00a0 <\/span>elinde hep bir ritme sahip k\u0131sa tesbihi ve uzaklara, hatta derinlere m\u0131hl\u0131 g\u00f6zleriyle y\u0131llarca benim kahraman\u0131m, dertda\u015f\u0131m, dayana\u011f\u0131m yeri gelince yard\u0131mc\u0131m olmu\u015f Hac\u0131 amca.\u00a0 <\/span>Ger\u00e7ek ad\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7ok sonralar\u0131 H\u00fcseyin oldu\u011funu \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fim emekli bir memur. Erzurumlu, k\u00fclt\u00fcrl\u00fc, sayg\u0131l\u0131..\u00a0 <\/span>Fakat,\u00a0 <\/span>beni etkileyen y\u00f6n\u00fc tasavvufi duru\u015fu olmu\u015ftur.<\/p>\n Benim hen\u00fcz toy bir \u00fcniversite \u00f6\u011frencisi oldu\u011fumu ve makam\u0131 ziyareti mutad edindi\u011fimi yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ilk k\u0131sa sohbette \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015f oldu.\u00a0 <\/span>O g\u00fcnden belki bug\u00fcne kadar dualar\u0131nda oldu\u011fumu hissettirdi.\u00a0 <\/span>Bu benim i\u00e7in b\u00fcy\u00fck bir g\u00fc\u00e7t\u00fc, zenginlikti.\u00a0 <\/span>Anla\u015f\u0131laca\u011f\u0131 \u00fczere onunla \u00e7ok s\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015femedik,\u00a0 <\/span>belki okul tatillerinde u\u011frad\u0131k\u00e7a t\u00fcrbeye denk geldik bazen birlikte dua ettik,\u00a0 <\/span>bazen dertle\u015ftik.\u00a0 <\/span>Ama bir g\u00fc\u00e7t\u00fc i\u015fte!\u00a0 <\/span>\u00c7ok sonradan k\u0131ymetini, de\u011ferini anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n Bana hep k\u0131ssalar anlat\u0131r ve onlardan \u00e7\u0131karaca\u011f\u0131m hayat d\u00fcsturlar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6zetlerdi. Mezuniyet sonras\u0131 memuriyette, evlili\u011fimde, gurbetlerimde, babam\u0131n vefat\u0131nda ve son garip gurbet yolculu\u011fumda hep k\u0131lavuzum oldu.\u00a0 <\/span>Bir ara izini kaybetmi\u015f,\u00a0 <\/span>sonra bulmu\u015ftum. \u015eimdi sadece muhayyilemde ve g\u00f6nl\u00fcmde ya\u015f\u0131yor.\u00a0 <\/span>Bazen ona k\u0131z\u0131yorum \u2013onu babam gibi g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm i\u00e7in,\u00a0 <\/span>ona k\u0131zma hakk\u0131n\u0131 buluyorum kendimde- k\u0131z\u0131yorum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ona ula\u015fam\u0131yorum, sesini duyam\u0131yorum, ya\u015f\u0131yor mu bilemiyorum. \u015eu derbeder gurbet g\u00fcnlerimde sesinde g\u00fc\u00e7 bulmak istiyorum. Ama \u00e7o\u011fu kez ona, onun duas\u0131na ve telkinlerine, tesellilerine ihtiya\u00e7 duydu\u011fum zaman o orada,\u00a0 <\/span>\u00e7akmak \u00e7akmak bakan ye\u015fil heybetli g\u00f6zleriyle\u00a0 <\/span>kar\u015f\u0131mda durdu\u011funu biliyorum s\u0131cak bir \u00dcsk\u00fcdar ikindisinde.\u00a0 <\/span>E\u011fer ya\u015f\u0131yorsa biliyorum beni unutmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, halen bana dua etti\u011fini.\u00a0 <\/span>Ama yetmiyor bu bilmeler i\u015fte.\u00a0 <\/span>\u0130nsan duymak, ya\u015famak istiyor. \u015eimdi muhayyilemle birlikte bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck yaz\u0131da da ya\u015fat\u0131yorum onu. Kimler okur, kimler anlar halimi bilmeden,\u00a0 <\/span>d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden.\u00a0 <\/span>Ama biliyorum ki ya\u015fand\u0131 ve bitti dedi\u011fimiz anlar bitmiyor, ya\u015famaya devam ediyorlar bir yerlerde.<\/p>\n Bir g\u00fcn tekrar bir \u00dcsk\u00fcdar ziyareti yaparsam, yine o yoku\u015flar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karsam,\u00a0 <\/span>yine o g\u00fcnleri hat\u0131rlarsam \u00e7evremde de\u011fi\u015fen onca \u015feye inat ve aralarsam t\u00fcrbenin kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, \u00a0 <\/span>selamlarsam eski dostlar\u0131m\u0131 a\u015finas\u0131 oldu\u011fum mezar ta\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 ve yeni m\u00fcdavimleri olan kedileri oturur t\u00fcrbenin kenar\u0131na,\u00a0 <\/span>o hep oturdu\u011fumuz ve ellerimizi kald\u0131r\u0131p ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 e\u011fdi\u011fimiz,\u00a0 <\/span>g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc konu\u015fturup,\u00a0 <\/span>ruhumuzu mutmain etti\u011fimiz g\u00fcnleri hat\u0131rlar a\u011flar\u0131m doyas\u0131ya.\u00a0 <\/span>Nicedir i\u00e7ime ak\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m belki yolunu bulmu\u015f bir \u0131rmak gibi \u00e7a\u011flar g\u00f6zlerimden. Hat\u0131rlar\u0131m o g\u00fcnlerin dokunulmaz b\u00fcy\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc, \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r\u0131m boh\u00e7alay\u0131p saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m duygular\u0131m\u0131 belki gene o g\u00fcnlere d\u00f6nerim.\u00a0 <\/span>Ve onu g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00fcm gene tezgah\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda, hangi alemlerde dola\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 ay\u0131rd edilemeyen o davudi bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131yla..<\/p>\n Ruhumun ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131 bir \u015fehrayin hayaliyle sab\u0131rs\u0131zlanan duygular\u0131m o g\u00fcnleri beklemekte bu gurbet ellerinde.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Zehra Azize \u00dcniversiteyi kazand\u0131\u011f\u0131m seneydi.\u00a0 \u0130stanbul o yazdan kalma sonbahar sarho\u015fu g\u00fcnlerini ya\u015f\u0131yordu. Evde,\u00a0 annemlerde, y\u00fcre\u011fimde tatl\u0131 bir<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1524,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n