Oturdu\u011fu ta\u015f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnden \u00f6ylece etraf\u0131na bakt\u0131. Neydi? Nereydi? Neredeydi? \u2026 Ve daha bunlar gibi bir misli soru zihninden gelip ge\u00e7iyordu. Asl\u0131na bak\u0131l\u0131rsa zihnine geldi\u011fi do\u011fruydu ama ya ge\u00e7ti\u011fi?.. O da do\u011fru muydu? \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc zihne bir \u015fey tak\u0131l\u0131rsa e\u011fer, cevab\u0131n\u0131 bulmadan zihin onu g\u00f6ndermezdi. Di\u011fer bir a\u00e7\u0131dan esasen bir \u015fey zihinden gelip ge\u00e7mi\u015fse cevab\u0131n\u0131 bulmu\u015f da ge\u00e7mi\u015ftir. Peki ya ge\u00e7memi\u015fse? \u2026 \u0130\u015fte as\u0131l meselenin d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm oldu\u011fu yer\u2026 cevab\u0131n bulunamam\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131, tam olarak bu.<\/p>\n
Zihni\u00a0 <\/span>bu kadar kar\u0131\u015f\u0131kken ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, hayat\u0131n karma\u015f\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 nas\u0131l \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcp de \u00e7ulunu sudan \u00e7\u0131karabilmeyi ba\u015faracakt\u0131 ki? B\u00fct\u00fcn dima\u011flar, b\u00fct\u00fcn anlay\u0131\u015flar, b\u00fct\u00fcn y\u00fcrekler yabanc\u0131yd\u0131 ona. Oysa \u00f6yle hayal etmemi\u015fti hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi. \u00d6yle imgelenmemi\u015fti kafas\u0131nda y\u00fcre\u011finde ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissetti\u011fi hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin hissi. En az\u0131ndan \u00f6yle \u00f6\u011fretmi\u015flerdi ona; y\u00fcrekte ya\u015fama niyetiyle ete kemi\u011fe b\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f her bir duygunun elbette ki olumlu etkileri olacakt\u0131 di\u011fer vicdanlarla beraber ya\u015fan\u0131lan bu m\u00fcmk\u00fcnler aleminde. Fakat unuttu\u011fu bir \u015fey vard\u0131 ki o da her y\u00fcre\u011fin merhamet a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n farkl\u0131 oldu\u011fuydu. Kiminde bu a\u00e7\u0131 ummanlar kadar a\u00e7\u0131labilmeyi sal\u0131k verirken kiminde b\u00fct\u00fcn bir i\u00e7 aleminin toplam\u0131ndan bile daha azd\u0131. Bundan dolay\u0131 elbette ki kimseyi yarg\u0131lama hakk\u0131 yoktu. Nihayetinde vicdan bu \u00f6yle her y\u00fcre\u011fe tenezz\u00fcl edip buyurmazd\u0131. Yabanc\u0131s\u0131yd\u0131 onlar\u0131n, oralar\u0131n, kalplerin\u2026 en \u00e7okta g\u00f6n\u00fcller, anlay\u0131\u015flar yabanc\u0131yd\u0131 ona. Ama o g\u00f6n\u00fcllerin yabanc\u0131s\u0131 de\u011fildi. G\u00f6nl\u00fcn\u00fc e\u011fitmesini \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015fti. Bunun i\u00e7in taaa y\u0131llar \u00f6nce ho\u015fg\u00f6r\u00fcy\u00fc buyur etmi\u015fti vicdan\u0131na ki bu felsefenin ilk basama\u011f\u0131 ho\u015fg\u00f6r\u00fcden ge\u00e7erdi. Neydi sanki insanl\u0131k evrensel olsayd\u0131? Anlat\u0131lan kitaplarda okutulan, baz\u0131 zamanlar sar\u0131-\u00f6zekte minik kalplere anlatmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u201cevrensel de\u011ferler\u201d ad\u0131yla de\u011fil de san\u0131yla, \u015f\u00f6hretiyle, ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla da her yerde ayn\u0131 olsa\u2026 ne ho\u015f olurdu dimi? Maalesef ki de\u011fildi. Hem de \u00f6yle bir de\u011fildi ki bu ger\u00e7ekle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmak fren sistemi bozulmu\u015f bir araban\u0131n son s\u00fcrat duvara \u00e7arpmas\u0131 gibi bir ger\u00e7eklikti. As\u0131l oyun \u015fimdi ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Hakl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla-haks\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla, kavgas\u0131yla-g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fcyle, oyunla-ger\u00e7ekle\u2026 \u201coyun nerde bitiyor hayat nerde ba\u015fl\u0131yor<\/i>\u201d* un tam olarak i\u00e7indeydi \u015fimdi. Gelsin kursun \u015fimdi a\u011f\u0131n\u0131 zaman, usul usul d\u00f6ns\u00fcn zemberek, arada bir hat\u0131rlats\u0131n kendini hayat bak ben buraday\u0131m k\u0131l\u0131c\u0131mla kalkan\u0131mla okumla m\u0131zra\u011f\u0131mla etimle kemi\u011fimle bak buraday\u0131m haydi hodri meydan arkada\u015f\u0131m desin. Diyecek\u2026<\/p>\n Zihni \u00e7ok doluydu bug\u00fcn sanki g\u00fcnlerce konu\u015fmam\u0131\u015fta dili kabarm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 resmen onu kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na alm\u0131\u015f da i\u00e7 d\u00f6k\u00fcyordu. Hafif bi tebess\u00fcm etti. Baya dertle\u015ftim bug\u00fcn kendimle hadi gene iyiyim bug\u00fcn de kendime i\u00e7imi d\u00f6kt\u00fcm dedi. Oturup kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerden usulca kalkmay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Vakit iyice ge\u00e7mi\u015fti \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. O esnada dikkatini kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndaki b\u00fcy\u00fck salk\u0131m s\u00f6\u011f\u00fct a\u011fac\u0131 \u00e7ekti. \u00dczerinde hat\u0131r\u0131 say\u0131l\u0131r nicelikte bir karga s\u00fcr\u00fcs\u00fc vard\u0131. \u00d6zellikle g\u00fcn\u00fcn ak\u015fama evrilen zamanlar\u0131nda salk\u0131m s\u00f6\u011f\u00fct a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131 mesken tutarlard\u0131. Sanki b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcn dola\u015f\u0131p g\u00fcn sonunda da buraya gelerek g\u00fcn\u00fcn kriti\u011fini yaparlard\u0131. Ne tuhaf diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Ba\u011fr\u0131\u015f\u0131p duruyorlard\u0131. Hay\u0131r sanki ne s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131 varsa, dertleri neyse hi\u00e7te susacak gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u00fcyorlard\u0131 ki. Onlar\u0131n da bir amac\u0131 olmal\u0131yd\u0131, kendisinde bulunan onca ama\u00e7s\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa ra\u011fmen. Akl\u0131na birden \u201c\u00fclkendeki ku\u015flardan ne haber vard\u0131r?<\/i>\u201d** dizesi geldi. Sadece bu dize ne eksik ne fazla. \u015eiirin sadece bu b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc akl\u0131nda kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 zaten. Neyse kalkmal\u0131y\u0131m art\u0131k diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Usulca kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 yere do\u011fru y\u00f6neldi. Akl\u0131 sar\u0131-\u00f6zekteydi. Hani \u015fu Cengiz Aytmatov\u2019un u\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z stepleri kastetti\u011fi Asya bozk\u0131rlar\u0131. Ve roman\u0131nda ge\u00e7en \u015fu c\u00fcmleler,<\/p>\n \u201cbu yerlerde trenler do\u011fudan bat\u0131ya, bat\u0131dan do\u011fuya gider gelir, gider gelirdi\u2026 bu yerlerde demir yolunun her iki yan\u0131ndan \u0131ss\u0131z, engin, sar\u0131 kumlu bozk\u0131rlar\u0131n \u00f6ze\u011fi sar\u0131-\u00f6zek uzar giderdi. Co\u011frafyada uzakl\u0131klar nas\u0131l Greenwich meridyeninden ba\u015fl\u0131yorsa, bu yerlerde de mesafeler demir yoluna g\u00f6re hesaplan\u0131rd\u0131\u2026<\/i>\u201d***<\/p>\n Bu yerlerde de mesafeler aras\u0131 uzakl\u0131k y\u00fcreklerden y\u00fcreklere hesaplanacakt\u0131 belli ki\u2026anla\u015f\u0131lan mesafelerin ku\u015f u\u00e7umu uzakl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ile kara uzakl\u0131\u011f\u0131 epey fazla olacakt\u0131. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu yerlerde vicdanlar y\u00fcreklere paralel de\u011fil dik uzan\u0131yordu.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n Ak\u015fam karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 bast\u0131rmadan kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 yere bir an \u00f6nce varmal\u0131yd\u0131, ad\u0131mlar\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131kla\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n * O\u011fuz Atay<\/i><\/p>\n ** Sezai Karako\u00e7, S\u00fcrg\u00fcn \u00fclkeden ba\u015fkentler ba\u015fkentine<\/i><\/p>\n *** Cengiz Aytmatov, G\u00fcn olur asra bedel<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Mehtap Sevin\u00e7 Oturdu\u011fu ta\u015f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnden \u00f6ylece etraf\u0131na bakt\u0131. Neydi? Nereydi? Neredeydi? \u2026 Ve daha bunlar gibi bir misli<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1524,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n