Uyuyakald\u0131k yine bir bayram sabah\u0131na. Par\u00e7alanan umutlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n savurdu\u011fu g\u00fcnleri unutarak\u2026 Uyanamad\u0131k girmi\u015f oldu\u011fumuz o derin uykulardan. Sakland\u0131k, sanki kendimizden bile. Y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti \u00f6zledik bayram sabahlar\u0131nda p\u00fcr heyecan tam bir metafizik gerilim i\u00e7inde \u00fczerimizden s\u0131ms\u0131cak yorgun yorganlar\u0131 at\u0131p abdeste ko\u015fmaya. \u00d6yle ya bayramsa ben neden uykuday\u0131m? \u00c7\u0131kmaza saplanm\u0131\u015f, arafta kalm\u0131\u015f r\u00fcyalar\u0131 koval\u0131yorum. Ah g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc bir a\u00e7sam! Bir kald\u0131rsam ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kendimi bayram yerinde bulaca\u011f\u0131m.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Neden iki rek\u00e2t namaz bana gelmiyordu? Bayram yolunda saf tutmak i\u00e7in benim ad\u0131mlar\u0131m neden geri geri duruyor? Bayram yama\u00e7lar\u0131nda yeldire yeldire ni\u00e7in gezemiyorum? Efil efil esen as\u0131rl\u0131k bayram meltemlerinde ba\u015f\u0131m dik, y\u00fcz\u00fcm Rabbe d\u00f6n\u00fck duaya duram\u0131yorum?<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Beni bu gaflete d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrecek hangi g\u00fcnahlar\u0131 i\u015fleme k\u00fcstahl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bulundum? Neden etraf\u0131mda kimse yok? H\u00e2lbuki ailem, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m bir telefon kadar yak\u0131n arkada\u015flar\u0131m var. Yoksa ben \u00f6ld\u00fcm de haberim mi yok? Hani benim bayramlar\u0131m ya da bayramlar m\u0131 bana darg\u0131n, k\u0131rg\u0131n?<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Uyanamad\u0131ysam nerelerdeydim? Sanki kelep\u00e7e vurmu\u015flar da benli\u011fime, y\u00fcre\u011fime, bedenime\u2026 Kap\u0131lar s\u00fcrg\u00fcl\u00fc derin zindanlarday\u0131m. Bir yalan u\u011fruna apar topar paketlenip kodeslere mi t\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131m ki? \u00dczerimde tonlarca a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131k ve ben alt\u0131nda eziliyorum. Ruhumu \u00f6rseleyen esaret yurdunday\u0131m belki de. Ku\u015f u\u00e7maz, kervan ge\u00e7mez \u0131ss\u0131z \u00e7\u00f6llerde, kilitli hanlarday\u0131m herhalde. \u00dcmitlerimi lime lime edip par\u00e7alayan beklenti koridorlar\u0131nday\u0131md\u0131r kim bilir?<\/p>\n Kim bilebilir ki belki de hen\u00fcz d\u00fcnyaya yeni te\u015frif etmi\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir yavrunun daha annesinden kopamadan emzi\u011fi kopar\u0131l\u0131p at\u0131lan masumun sessiz a\u011f\u0131t\u0131na tak\u0131l\u0131p kald\u0131m. Az\u0131c\u0131k insanl\u0131ktan nasibi olanlar yapar m\u0131 bunca canavarl\u0131\u011f\u0131? K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir sabiye \u00e7ok g\u00f6rd\u00fcler ana merhametinden, \u015fefkatinden kopup gelen emzi\u011fi. Emzik bile tutamayan \u00fc\u00e7 be\u015f ayl\u0131k yavrular\u0131n zindan duvarlar\u0131na \u00e7arpan a\u011flama seslerine mi tak\u0131l\u0131p kald\u0131m sanki? Tak\u0131l\u0131p kald\u0131m; d\u00fcnyaya ad\u0131mlar\u0131n\u0131 bile atamam\u0131\u015f sabinin bir anda anas\u0131z ve babas\u0131z kalman\u0131n derin matem \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n buhranl\u0131 anaforunda\u2026<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Minik elleriyle zindan duvarlar\u0131na tutunup ellerinin keskin tellerin ellerini kanatmas\u0131na ald\u0131rmadan g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131 seline bo\u011fulup ana kuca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 arayan kundaks\u0131z k\u00f6rpenin \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131na tak\u0131l\u0131p kald\u0131m. \u0130nsan olan insan\u0131n yapmaya vicdan erdiremeyece\u011fi bu insafs\u0131z tutuklamalarda, bir k\u00f6rpenin ana kuca\u011f\u0131ndan kopar\u0131l\u0131p al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131na \u015fahit oldum. \u00d6yle \u015fahit oldum ki bayram sabah\u0131na uyanamad\u0131m.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Yavrusunu kurda ku\u015fa kapt\u0131rm\u0131\u015f gibi, feryat eden anan\u0131n duyulmayan, duyulmas\u0131na bile izin verilmeyen sanc\u0131l\u0131 duru\u015funa m\u0131 tak\u0131l\u0131p kald\u0131m da bayram sabahlar\u0131na uyanamad\u0131m? Bir k\u00f6rpenin emzik hakk\u0131 kime emanet? Emzi\u011finin hakk\u0131n\u0131 kim, nas\u0131l verecek? Emzi\u011fi verene yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir sayg\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131k de\u011fil de nedir bu?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u00d6yle ya ben neden bayram sabah\u0131nda bayram g\u00fcllerini koklayamad\u0131m? Bana m\u00fcbarek olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, insanl\u0131\u011fa unutturuldu\u011fu, insanca ya\u015faman\u0131n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 derin kuyularda m\u0131y\u0131m? G\u00fcl dal\u0131nda saksa\u011fanlar \u00f6ter olmu\u015f, benim b\u00fclb\u00fcllerim nicedir. Kuyunun da bir sahibi var, kuyuya atanlar\u0131n hali nicedir.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Evlatlar\u0131n\u0131 kaybetmi\u015f bir baban\u0131n kodes penceresinden elbisede bir yama kadar g\u00f6rebildi\u011fi g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne kar\u015f\u0131 feryad\u0131n\u0131 m\u0131 duyamad\u0131m da uyuyakald\u0131m?\u00a0 <\/span>Gaflet uykusunun, insafs\u0131z adalet d\u00fc\u015fk\u00fcnlerinin, pervas\u0131z kalem sallamalar\u0131ndan m\u00fctevellit, k\u0131rg\u0131n g\u00f6n\u00fcllerin bitmeyen \u00e7ilesi mi beni bu karanl\u0131\u011fa s\u00fcr\u00fckledi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Bayram sabah\u0131m, oyunca\u011f\u0131 elinden al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f \u00e7ocuk gibi boynum b\u00fck\u00fck, dudaklar\u0131m a\u011flamamak i\u00e7in tir tir, g\u00f6zlerimden ya\u015f gelmesin diye g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 i\u00e7ime ak\u0131t\u0131p, s\u0131k\u0131p suyunu yaban ellere ya\u011fmur olarak g\u00f6nderdi\u011fim h\u00fcz\u00fcn g\u00fcnlerim.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Bayram sabahlar\u0131nda baba bekleyen yavrular var. Babam bu bayram da yok. H\u00e2lbuki ne hayaller kurmu\u015flard\u0131r yavrucaklar. Babalar bayram sabahlar\u0131na s\u0131\u011fd\u0131r\u0131lmayan, bayram saatlerinde diz indirtilmeyen, bayram ellerinin \u00f6pt\u00fcr\u00fclmeyen bayramlar\u0131n yasakland\u0131\u011f\u0131 babalar, analar ve emzi\u011fi zorla elinden al\u0131nan sabiler.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Bayramlar nas\u0131l \u00f6ks\u00fcz olmas\u0131n ki; gelmeyecek babalar\u0131n gelmeyecek bayramlar\u0131 var oldu\u011fu s\u00fcrece.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Anlams\u0131z r\u00fcyalar ikliminde gezinip, olmad\u0131k h\u00fclyalar pe\u015finde ko\u015fmasayd\u0131m y\u0131llanm\u0131\u015f karlar\u0131n alt\u0131nda kalmazd\u0131 uykular\u0131m. Az\u0131c\u0131kta olsa bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k g\u00f6rse, eriyip, kaybolur giderdi Kaf da\u011f\u0131na kadar birikmi\u015f karlar\u0131m. O zaman ben de bayrama ko\u015fard\u0131m. \u00d6zlem ile hasretin vuslat\u0131n\u0131 doya doya seyre dalard\u0131m. \u00d6yle ya kavu\u015fmalar hep h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fcd\u00fcr. O an sadece g\u00f6zler konu\u015fur sevin\u00e7 damlac\u0131klar\u0131yla. Ama heyhat ben ba\u015fka vadilerde bayramlar ba\u015fka vadilerde. Cinnet koridorlar\u0131nda, \u00e7\u0131kmaza saplanm\u0131\u015f tekerlek misali, bal\u00e7\u0131k tutan zihniyetin yaralam\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fu zavall\u0131 kocalar. Kocalar diyorum: sor bakal\u0131m kocas\u0131n\u0131n amans\u0131z hastal\u0131\u011fa yakalan\u0131p g\u00fcnden g\u00fcne hapis h\u00fccrelerinde eriyi\u015fini (eritili\u015fini) g\u00f6ren (belki de sultac\u0131lar \u00f6yle istiyor) e\u015fine bayramlar ka\u00e7 g\u00fcn ya da bayram onun l\u00fcgatinde bilmem ka\u00e7 bin fit derinlere g\u00f6m\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f sadece bir kelimeden ibaret oldu\u011funu. Onu da hat\u0131rlarsa tabi\u2026 Hi\u00e7bir bayram \u201ckavu\u015fulamayacak\u201d olunmas\u0131, g\u00fcnlerin dikenli bir tel gibi i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7ip gitti\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Bayram sabah\u0131na uyanmak m\u0131, bayram m\u0131 varm\u0131\u015f? Uyuyakalm\u0131\u015f\u0131m uyand\u0131r\u0131lmayan bayramlara. Yoksa azg\u0131n nehirleri kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na al\u0131p birka\u00e7 kula\u00e7l\u0131k mesafenin uzay\u0131p uzay\u0131p derin vadilere d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, g\u00f6zlerinde \u00fcmitlerin gel git ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131, sanc\u0131l\u0131 a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131n b\u0131\u00e7ak gibi saplan\u0131p saplan\u0131p \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bedenden, akl\u0131na tak\u0131lan; ben bu azg\u0131n insan yutan, yavrular\u0131m\u0131 al\u0131p benden koparan, e\u015fleri birbirinden ac\u0131madan par\u00e7alay\u0131p ay\u0131ran nehrin yan\u0131nda ne yap\u0131yorum diye soran g\u00f6zlere mi rastlad\u0131m ki uyanamad\u0131m?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Ne olurdu Musa gelse vursa asas\u0131n\u0131 yine. K\u00f6\u015feye s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f, her \u015feyleri elinden al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f, gidecek ba\u015fka yeri kalmam\u0131\u015f, s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131klar\u0131 sadece ve sadece Rableri olan mazlumlar\u0131 asas\u0131n\u0131n a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fu yoldan ge\u00e7irip sahili selamete ula\u015ft\u0131rsa. Yar\u0131lsa nehirler tekrardan, mazlum co\u011frafyalardaki mazlumlar \u00e7\u0131ksa ummad\u0131klar\u0131 d\u00fczl\u00fcklere. Ne olurdu sanki?<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Bayram nas\u0131l bir \u015feydi? Ard\u0131ndan g\u00fcller mi at\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131 ki Tuna boylar\u0131nda dolan\u0131rs\u0131n? Ejderhalar\u0131n alev p\u00fcsk\u00fcrten \u00f6fkesinden mi ka\u00e7ars\u0131n ki, ana yurttan ayr\u0131l\u0131rs\u0131n, bir bilinmeze? Sahipsiz mi kald\u0131n ki can evinden canlar\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131p uzak diyarlara hicret soluklars\u0131n? Hem de Neca\u015fi\u2019nin yurduna s\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131r gibi. Neredesin ey Neca\u015fi\u2019nin yurdu, sana kutlu peygamberin yolcular\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc almaz m\u0131s\u0131n i\u00e7eri? Pe\u015finden akbabalar m\u0131 kovalar bulan\u0131k sulara g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc bile k\u0131rpmadan dalars\u0131n\u0131z ey asr\u0131n garipleri ve garibeleri! Heyhat yine derin uykularday\u0131m hem bayram sabah\u0131na uyanamad\u0131m hem de bo\u015f hayaller diyar\u0131nda savsaklan\u0131p durdum. Bayram ac\u0131n\u0131n tatl\u0131 diye yutturulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 melankoli ruh haletine b\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fc.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Y\u0131llard\u0131r dikenli tellerin, g\u00f6zleri kesti\u011fi ve keskinle\u015ftirdi\u011fi, hafakan ovalar\u0131nda ayaklar\u0131na dolanan yaban otlar\u0131na ald\u0131rmadan y\u00f6n arayan garipler sor bayram sabah\u0131na uyanamamay\u0131.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Nas\u0131l uyans\u0131n analar, babalar bayram sabah\u0131na? O sabahlar o kadar uzaktalar ki sanki masal diyar\u0131nda efsunla\u015f\u0131p kalm\u0131\u015flar gibi. Ve baz\u0131 uykular ne yaz\u0131k ki bayram sabah\u0131na hi\u00e7 uyanamayacak. Belki de bulmu\u015ftur ya da i\u00e7ine d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr hayal bile edemeyece\u011fimiz bayramlar\u0131m\u0131za kim bilir?\u00a0 <\/span>\u015eu an bayram zehirli bir ok gibi kalbimin tam orta yerine saplanm\u0131\u015f can \u00e7eki\u015ftire \u00e7eki\u015ftire ve k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn zevkten zevk \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131 yalanc\u0131 bir yakamoza d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Aldatma \u00e7a\u011f\u0131n\u0131n aldanma arg\u00fcmanlar\u0131 k\u00fcst\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f analar\u0131, babalar\u0131.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>A\u00e7ar elbet bir g\u00fcn \u0130brahim misali ate\u015f i\u00e7inde g\u00fcller. Vurur okyanuslar i\u00e7indeki insanl\u0131k emanetini sahil kenar\u0131na. Yarar asalar en azg\u0131n nehirleri, ge\u00e7irir mazlumlar\u0131 emanete teslim eder. Bir \u00f6r\u00fcmcek a\u011f\u0131 saklar en kutlu misafirleri. Uzakta bizim yak\u0131n da kavu\u015fur ayr\u0131lanlar kim bilebilir belki \u00e7ok yak\u0131nda?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>Uyan\u0131r elbet bir g\u00fcn babalar, analar ve emzikten kopar\u0131lan yavrular o en kutlu bayram sabah\u0131na\u2026 Ve en yeni urbalar\u0131 ku\u015fan\u0131p, sevin\u00e7 g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na gark olup, cennet asa bir \u00f6m\u00fcr s\u00fcrerler en sevdikleriyle, en \u00e7ok sevilenleriyle ve En Sevgiliyle\u2026<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span>Bayram o bayram ola\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" SELMAN MELL\u0130O\u011eLU Uyuyakald\u0131k yine bir bayram sabah\u0131na. Par\u00e7alanan umutlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n savurdu\u011fu g\u00fcnleri unutarak\u2026 Uyanamad\u0131k girmi\u015f oldu\u011fumuz o derin uykulardan.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1514,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n