Kederi ve karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 siyaha vermi\u015fler.<\/p>\n
Oysa hi\u00e7bir renk masum de\u011fil\u2026<\/p>\n
Muhtar\u0131n, art\u0131k sararm\u0131\u015f mektubunu tekrar okurken, bir yandan da torunumun pembe patiklerini avucumda evirip \u00e7eviriyorum. Ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm \u015fey bu. Ve \u015eerife Teyze, n\u00e2m-\u0131 di\u011fer Kara \u015eerife\u2019nin \u00e7ocuklu\u011fundan beri i\u00e7ine g\u00f6m\u00fcp, sand\u0131klara kilitleyip anahtar\u0131n\u0131 deryalara att\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u0131rr\u0131. Y\u0131llar i\u00e7inde ben ona evlat, o bana ana oldu\u011funda dinledi\u011fim\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201c\u00c7ok ufakt\u0131m o vakitler. \u00c7ocuklar o ya\u015fta akl\u0131yla de\u011fil nefsiyle ya\u015far. Ben de \u00f6yleydim zahir. Evimiz a burayd\u0131 i\u015fte. Bakma sen \u015fimdiki kurulu\u011funa, o zamanlar yemi\u015f a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131, ekili ma\u015faralar\u0131m\u0131z vard\u0131. Anam rahmetli nenemle dikmi\u015fti hepsini. Ta \u015fu derenin yamac\u0131na de\u011fin yemye\u015fildi. En g\u00fczel oyunlar\u0131m o a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n g\u00f6lgesindeydi. Anam\u0131n, dallar\u0131ndan \u00e7at\u0131p yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7aput bebekler, kar\u0131nca yuvalar\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcne dizdi\u011fim elma dilimleri, yufka k\u0131r\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131. Ayaklar\u0131m\u0131 sokmayla ba\u015flay\u0131p, i\u00e7 donuma kadar s\u0131rs\u0131klam oldu\u011fum, sonra da dayak yedi\u011fim derede y\u00fczd\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yaprak kay\u0131klar, kurba\u011falar.<\/p>\n Yo\u011fum yoksulumdu \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u00fcz. Zati o vakitler daha iyisi var m\u0131yd\u0131 bilmezdik? Babam, haftan\u0131n \u00fc\u00e7 g\u00fcn\u00fc s\u00fct, yo\u011furt, tereya\u011f\u0131, yumurta her ne varsa kat\u0131ra y\u00fckler, \u00e7evre nahiyelerin pazar\u0131na, panay\u0131r\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcp satard\u0131. Ma\u015faralara ektiklerimiz de g\u00fcnl\u00fck ia\u015femiz olurdu. Babam her geli\u015finde bana basma, pazen entari veya akide \u015fekeri getirirdi oralardan. Geli\u015fini ak\u015fama kadar toprak dama \u00e7\u0131kar beklerdim. Ya\u011fmur, ya\u015f kimin umuruydu ki? Murad\u0131ma erdi\u011fimde hepsini d\u00f6\u015fe\u011fimin alt\u0131na koyar \u00f6yle yatard\u0131m.<\/p>\n Babam\u0131n me\u015fakkat y\u00fckl\u00fc omuzlar\u0131ndaki hoplay\u0131p z\u0131plamalar\u0131m, anam\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck kar\u0131nda\u015f\u0131m\u0131 do\u011furdu\u011funda azalm\u0131\u015f, y\u00fck artt\u0131k\u00e7a da kesilmi\u015fti. Art\u0131k nahiye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fleri ganimetler ikiye b\u00f6l\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f, sonralar\u0131 bir ona, bir bana olmu\u015ftu. \u00c7ocuk akl\u0131, pek zor gelmi\u015fti. Kar\u0131nda\u015f\u0131m olmayayd\u0131 hepsi benimdi. Hem entariler, \u015fekerler, hem de babam\u0131n omzundaki yerim\u2026 Ke\u015fke ben olmayayd\u0131m!…<\/p>\n Ne k\u00f6t\u00fc g\u00fcnd\u00fc o? Kat\u0131r\u0131n heybesindeki kefeden sadece bir \u00e7ift pembe terlik \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131yd\u0131. Benim aya\u011f\u0131ma g\u00f6re de\u011fildi, kar\u0131nda\u015f\u0131m i\u00e7indi. Anam giydirdiydi minik ayaklar\u0131na. Pek de g\u00fczel olmu\u015ftu ama kabullenemedim, be\u011fenmedim, k\u0131zd\u0131m, \u00f6rselendim. Renkli, alacas\u0131 olan her \u015fey beter g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc o g\u00fcnden sonra g\u00f6z\u00fcme. Sabi, ayaklan\u0131p y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda oyunlar\u0131ma da ortakt\u0131. A\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131ma, kar\u0131ncalar\u0131ma, \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131 bebeklerime ve daha k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc, kat\u0131r\u0131n heybesinde gelene, babam\u0131n y\u00fckl\u00fc omuzlar\u0131na\u2026<\/p>\n Oyunlar\u0131m b\u00f6l\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fc anam i\u015f yaparken, elinden tutar bah\u00e7eyi boydan boya gezdirirdim, avuturdum kar\u0131nda\u015f\u0131m\u0131, bi de k\u0131r\u0131k y\u0131k\u0131k g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fc. Benim olan her \u015fey onundu ama o pembe terlikler sadece onundu.\u201d<\/p>\n K\u0131rk sekiz, tam k\u0131rk sekiz y\u0131l \u00f6nce hem haf\u0131zama, hem de ruhuma han\u00e7er ucuyla kanata kanata yaz\u0131ld\u0131 bu s\u00f6zler ve devam\u0131\u2026 S\u00f6yleyene hem merhamet, hem \u00f6fke, ne oldu\u011funu tam \u00e7\u00f6zemedi\u011fim his, o siyah kadife boh\u00e7ayla devrald\u0131\u011f\u0131m miras\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeyen par\u00e7as\u0131 olmu\u015ftu.<\/p>\n Ne karma\u015f\u0131k ve enteresan bir duygudur, sevdi\u011finiz birine \u00f6fkenizi merhametinizle \u00f6rtmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak\u2026 Mazeretler arars\u0131n\u0131z kendinizce ve en k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc susars\u0131n\u0131z \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u015eerife Teyze i\u00e7in art\u0131k s\u00f6yleyecek s\u00f6z, \u015fekerle zakkum aras\u0131ndayd\u0131 ve t\u00fckenmi\u015fti bende, yarar\u0131 da yoktu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n K\u00f6y\u00fcn muhtar\u0131ndan gelen mektubu kim bilir ka\u00e7 kez okudum y\u0131llarca? Muhtar\u0131n, Kara \u015eerife\u2019nin vefat\u0131n\u0131 haber verdi\u011fi ve tek varisi oldu\u011fumu bildirdi\u011fi mektup. Birka\u00e7 ay sonra ge\u00e7mi\u015fti elime miras\u0131m. Hi\u00e7 evlenmemi\u015f, \u00e7olu\u011fa \u00e7ocu\u011fa kar\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Anas\u0131, babas\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnden sonra tek ki\u015filik kabu\u011funda devam etmi\u015fti hayat\u0131na. \u00c7ocuklardan hi\u00e7 hazzetmezdi. Bah\u00e7eye gelen \u00e7ocuklar\u0131, \u00f6\u011frencilerimi kovalard\u0131. \u00d6zellikle \u00fczeri betonla kapat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bile olsa, o kuyudan. Zaten onlar da \u015eerife Teyze\u2019ye kar\u015f\u0131 mesafeliydiler.<\/p>\n Ve ben, o miras\u0131n i\u00e7inden sadece, siyah kadife boh\u00e7aya sar\u0131l\u0131 birka\u00e7 oyas\u0131z yemeni, onun elleriyle dokudu\u011fu y\u00fcn \u00e7orab\u0131 g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcce sahiplenmi\u015ftim. Sebebini bilmiyorum ama yan\u0131mda olsun istedim. Ondan as\u0131l miras\u0131, y\u0131llar \u00f6nce zaten y\u00fcklenmi\u015ftim hat\u0131ramda. \u0130kilemde, suskun.Bir o kadar da h\u00e2l\u00e2 berrak, mahsun hat\u0131ramda.<\/p>\n \u201cNe vakit yana\u015fsam kuyudan uzak dur, orda Kara Peri var, pa\u00e7ana yap\u0131\u015f\u0131p seni a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 \u00e7eker, al\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcr. Daha da eve koymaz ki gelesin derdi anam. Kuyunun duvar\u0131 bir kar\u0131\u015f ya vard\u0131, ya yoktu. Babam, i\u00e7i l\u0131\u011fl\u0131, pis su diye \u00fczerini a\u011fa\u00e7lardan kesti\u011fi kal\u0131n dallarla \u00f6rtm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Zaten pek \u00fcrkerdim karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan, hi\u00e7 yana\u015fmazd\u0131m. Anam dediydi ya, al\u0131r g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcr seni diye. O zaman onu da g\u00f6t\u00fcrs\u00fcn ge\u00e7ti akl\u0131mdan. \u00d6yle de kolay g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc ki, kar\u0131nda\u015f\u0131m ku\u015f gibi hafifti. \u00c7\u0131kard\u0131m \u00fczerine, peri hemen ald\u0131 onu, hi\u00e7 a\u011flamad\u0131, ses etmedi. Sadece bir nefes su \u015f\u0131p\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131 duyduydum o kadar. Pembe terliklerini de yollad\u0131m ard\u0131ndan, nas\u0131lsa onundu.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben, annemin, babam\u0131n, pamuklara sar\u0131p g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez bir fanus i\u00e7inde b\u00fcy\u00fctt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc tek evlad\u0131. Yirmili ya\u015flar\u0131mda, Zeyni\u2019sine ko\u015fan Feride gibi tam k\u0131rk sekiz y\u0131l \u00f6nce \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131m evimden. Bir y\u00fck katar\u0131n\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck yolcu vagonunda, hi\u00e7 bitmeyecekmi\u015f gibi ve k\u00f6y muhtar\u0131n\u0131n at arabas\u0131yla ta\u015fl\u0131 toprak yolda savrulup, sars\u0131larak varm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m son dura\u011f\u0131ma.<\/p>\n Yan\u0131mda, i\u00e7ini giysilerim, kitaplar\u0131m ve gitti\u011fim yere g\u00f6re pofuduk hayallerimle, y\u0131llar sonra da sevgi ve \u00f6fkeyle ya da her ikisini harmanlay\u0131p t\u0131ka basa doldurup kendi Zeyni\u2019me do\u011fru ayr\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m iki bavulumla.<\/p>\n \u201cArt\u0131k her \u015fey sadece benimdi. A\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131m, kar\u0131ncalar\u0131m, pazen entarim, akide \u015fekerlerim ve babam\u0131n omuzu ama onlar bir daha hi\u00e7 benim olamad\u0131lar. Rengi olan, hele de pembesi olan her ne varsa hi\u00e7 sevmem. Karal\u0131\u011f\u0131m hep giydiklerimden bilinir. Hal bu ola ki, i\u00e7imin darl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan karas\u0131ndand\u0131r. Bir ben biliyorum, bir de Rabbim, hi\u00e7bir kula ayan olmad\u0131. Anama babama bile.\u201d<\/p>\n Muhtar, atlar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131plak bir bah\u00e7e i\u00e7indeki toprak evin \u00f6n\u00fcnde durdurdu\u011funda \u201cHoca, sana en uygun yer Kara \u015eerife\u2019nin evidir. Yaln\u0131zd\u0131r, ya\u015fl\u0131d\u0131r. Birbirinize yaren olursunuz\u201d demi\u015fti. Lakab\u0131n\u0131n aksine, bu\u011fday tenli, ye\u015fil g\u00f6zl\u00fc bir kad\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131lam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 beni. Lakab\u0131na uyan \u015fey, onunla oldu\u011fum s\u00fcrece \u00fcst\u00fcnde ba\u015fka renk g\u00f6rmedi\u011fim her \u015feyi siyah olan k\u0131yafetiydi. Hissettim, g\u00f6n\u00fcls\u00fczd\u00fc ev sahipsizli\u011fi. \u00c7aresiz kabullendim ve s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131m bir g\u00f6z odas\u0131na ve uzun s\u00fcre sonra ben ona evlat, o bana ana olup a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131 hayat\u0131na. Ve y\u0131llard\u0131r ke\u015fke hi\u00e7 ortak olmasayd\u0131m dedi\u011fim hayat\u0131na. Yine de sevmi\u015ftim bu mahzun kad\u0131n\u0131. O, i\u00e7inde suskun kalm\u0131\u015f \u00e7ocu\u011fu hep bir k\u00f6\u015fede tutuyordu zaten. Yarg\u0131layamad\u0131m.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Mine\u00a0 Akdemir Kederi ve karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 siyaha vermi\u015fler. Oysa hi\u00e7bir renk masum de\u011fil\u2026 Muhtar\u0131n, art\u0131k sararm\u0131\u015f mektubunu tekrar okurken,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1410,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n